One of the very first things you should discuss with your planner is the size of your guest list. Figuring out your wedding guest list size is crucial to planning - but it isn't always an easy number to come up with.
Etiquette dictates that if someone else (your parents, his aunt, etc) is contributing to the cost of the reception, then they have input on who is invited. For example, you may not know your grandmothers friends, but it would be in poor taste not to invite them to the giant party she is throwing for you! On the flip side, if you and your fiancé are footing the bill, you do not have to cave to pressure to have a larger event than you can afford by inviting all of your mothers co-workers.
Once you figure out your number, the fun can begin. We can start looking at venues that will suit your size and tastes. Have you always envisioned you, your family and closest friends sipping champagne on the roof of an exclusive hotel? Then we won't show you the biggest venue available. On the flip side, if you've always imagined your wedding to be a huge blow-out affair with loads of people dancing the night away, we'll take you to the biggest and best venues you can afford to accommodate all of those guests!
What about sticky situations? Everyone has to deal with them during the planning, here are a few things that commonly come up:
1. One of my guests has just started dating someone, and even though he did not RSVP +1, he would now like to bring her. What do I do? This one is super frustrating because if he didn't RSVP with her in mind 3 weeks ago, what are the chances they are a serious couple now? Do you really want this woman you barely know at your wedding just so he'll have someone to dance with? Doesn't he know that it costs $150 a head? Aaah! Our advice is to just let your (invited) guest know that you will give him an answer as you get closer to the wedding, like a few days away, after you have your final headcount in to the caterer and the venue. Explain that trimming the guest list is one of the most difficult parts of planning and that you are sorry and you'll see what you can do. You never know, maybe someone at his table will cancel at the last minute. Either way, don't sweat over it. A friend will understand if you aren't able to accommodate his new girlfriend and you can always make plans to get together after you return from your honeymoon.
2. My family and/or future-in-laws keep inviting people! This one is tricky, because you don't want to offend anyone, especially if they have a financial hand in the wedding and feel they are allowed to invite friends to "their" party. Traditionally, only the hosts may invite guests. If your parents are paying, then they are the hosts, it's that easy. You will just have a few strangers in your wedding pics, no big deal. If you are paying, then you are the hosts - it works both ways. If your future-in-laws can't stop inviting neighbors and friends that you've never met, put the brakes on that immediately with an honest conversation. "I'm sorry, but we have a very limited number of people we can invite. I'm afraid we can't accommodate her. Please be sure to let her know as soon as possible." If that doesn't work, then try the more direct version, "I'm sure they'll understand when you tell them it wasn't your place to invite them and they cannot be accommodated."
3. What about a B-List guest list? Using A/B guest lists is very tricky and must be handled with the utmost care. If you are inviting tons of out-of-town family and none of them can make it, it's totally reasonable to move on to B list guests once the A list has declined. Just don't send the B list invites too close or past the RSVP date - that is a dead giveaway to what you're up to. Be mindful of how you would feel if you knew you were only being invited because Aunt Edna has the flu.
There are tons of instances like this that come up, unfortunately there often isn't a clear answer. Your planner can always handle these issues with tact and class. No one wants their family mad at them before the big day, let us take the heat!
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